“Discipline is a sign of God’s love for us, and hence a sign of our love for our sons. Going further, the Holy Spirit teaches us here that the son who is not disciplined by his father is not loved by his father …
We argue and reason and whine at our children instead of simply spanking them. But here’s the thing: arguing with our children goes on forever, but a spanking is over and done. In other words, spanking is a clear statement of authority and a timely punishment that, once concluded, is finished and life goes on …
Second, when you spank, the whole point of it is physical pain. It seems ridiculous to say, but spankings should never be symbolic. Their purpose is not to express disapproval, although they do that. Their purpose is to cause your son to associate disobedience, disrespect, and rebellion with pain …
The father is not through disciplining his son until the order of the home is restored. What do I mean by this?
If, when his father is done spanking his bottom, your son is sulking or stiff-necked, you need to start over and get it right. We’re not disciplining for mere external compliance or resignation. Our true goal is to restore the order God has placed in your son’s life. He is to honor his father and mother that his days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord his God gives him (Ex 20:12).
So if, after you spank him, your son is compliant but sullen, put him back over your knee and spank him again. Immediately. Tell him that you expect — no, rather that you demand — respect. His stiff-necked response to your discipline is absolutely unacceptable …
How will your son learn to fear God if you work hard to keep him from fearing you? Watching fathers whose main goal in raising their sons and daughters is to keep his wife and children liking him and thinking he’s a nice guy leads me to the conclusion that the father himself doesn’t fear God …
In all our work of discipline, we have a choice: we can fear man or we can fear God. We cannot fear both man and God. Either we do this hard, hard work of discipline with our eye on God, relying on His Word and Holy Spirit for everything we need to do the work well, or we do it with our eye on our wife, seeking her approval or the approval of the child himself. But in the discipline of our children, as in everything else, we cannot love this world and love God. We must choose, and I exhort you to love God and do as he commands. Discipline your son. Use the rod. Spank him. You will not lose his friendship. Your marriage will not end …
When you gain the faith to work hard at disciplining your children and you begin to relish that work and its obvious wonderful fruit, you’ll see that this is your true love for your sons and daughters. The whole godless world prattles on about love but knows nothing of it. Meanwhile, the acts that Christians do by faith (the very acts condemned by the world as ‘unloving’) are the proofs of our love. Or rather, they are our love.”